Originally appeared on E! Online
Simon Cowell is navigating a heartbreaking loss.
The longtime talent judge broke his silence over the death of Liam Payne, a former member of One Direction, whose fame — alongside bandmates Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik — skyrocketed after the band was formed on "The X Factor" in 2010, with Cowell largely being credited over the years for placing the five men together.
"You never really know how you feel about someone until a moment like this happens," Cowell began his message, posted to Instagram Oct. 18. "Liam, I am truly devastated. Heartbroken. And I feel empty. And I want you to know how much love and respect I have for you. Every tear I have shed is a memory of you."
The 65-year-old noted that he's finding it difficult to put his emotions into words.
"I went outside today, and I thought about so many times we had together," he continued. "I wanted to let you know what I would always say to the thousands of people who would always ask me. What is Liam like? And I would tell them you were kind, funny, sweet, thoughtful, talented, humble, focused."
While Payne first entered the "X Factor" competition in 2008 as a solo artist, it wasn’t until he returned two years later and was placed into One Direction that he found success. And while their coming together — and the phenomenon the band would become — may have felt like kismet, Cowell has been clear over the years that he always saw the possibilities.
"I had to tell you when you were 14 that this wasn't your time," Cowell reflected in his message. "And we both made a promise that we would meet again. A lot of people would have given up. You didn't. You came back and within months the whole world knew Liam."
The music producer recalled Payne — who shared 7-year-old son Bear Grey Payne with ex Cheryl Cole — visiting him last year. "We reminisced about all of the fun time we had together," he wrote. "And how proud you were to be a Dad."
He noted that Payne's son has his smile and that same "twinkle" in his eyes.
"And he will be so proud of everything you achieved," Cowell noted. "And how you achieved it."
Cowell concluded his message by sharing he always thought of One Direction's five members as brothers.
"And reading their messages today I believe you were," he said, referencing the band's tributes. "And now Liam, I can see the effect you had on so many people. Because you left us too soon. Rest in peace my friend."
Prior to sharing the heartbreaking statement, he canceled filming for "Britain’s Got Talent" — of which he is the creator— the day after Payne’s death, hitting pause on the audition stage of the competition series which was set to take place in Blackpool, England.
Payne died at the age of 31 after he suffered a fatal fall from a third-story balcony at a hotel in Buenos Aires, Argentina, Oct. 16.
As far as deciding to place the five into a group, Cowell told Rolling Stone in 2012, “I’ve done this for so many years, certain times a group like that may not work, but this particular year it felt like the right thing to do, and we were just lucky that we had these five guys, all with different strengths. The chemistry was incredible.”
He also reflected at the time on his first impression of Payne.
“I’d auditioned him before on The X Factor, when he was 14,” the "American Idol" alum remembered. “And he didn’t make it. Funnily enough, he didn’t have much support from the other judges, but I’d always backed him.”
He continued, “When he came back the second time, I was really proud of him because he really made an effort and he wanted to prove a point — and he was good. I always knew that with confidence he would be a valuable member of this band.”
And valuable he — and all five members — became. Despite finishing in third on "The X Factor," Payne and One Direction would go on to become a global phenomenon, with the band earning four number-one albums on the Billboard 200 and six top 10 hits during their six years together before parting ways into solo careers.
But while Payne owed his rise to fame to the band, he’d also been candid over the years about the ways in which he struggled with life in the spotlight during his One Direction tenure.
"Fame made me a little bit nuts and distracted me a lot from the person I was," he told #Legend magazine in 2018. "And it pissed me off in the end, because it was like, 'You could have been this guy, but you chose to do this.' Nobody really knew anything about me. I put on a front that wasn't really me."
Which is why when One Direction officially decided to part ways in 2016, one year after Zayn was the first to leave the group, the artist breathed a sigh of relief.
"I remember the day we finished, because of the place I was in, I was quite happy that we had a break," Payne continued. "I said to the person with me at the time, 'Thank God I don't have to play that person again for a long time.' It was exhausting and I couldn't keep up with myself."
